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Resignation prefers God's will before all things, yet
it loves many other things besides the will of God.
Indifference goes beyond resignation: for it loves
nothing except for the love of God's will: insomuch
that nothing can stir the indifferent heart, in the
presence of the will of God.
It is true that the most indifferent heart in the
world may be touched with some affection, so long as
it does not know where the will of God is. Eliezer
being come to the fountain of Haran, saw the virgin
Rebecca, and found her lovely and amiable beyond his
expectation; but yet he stayed in Indifference, till
he knew by a sign from God, that the Divine will had
prepared her for his master's son; then he presented
her with the earrings and bracelets of gold.
On the contrary, if Jacob had only loved in Rachel
the alliance with Laban, to which his father Isaac
had obliged him, Lia would have been as dear unto him
as Rachel, they being both Laban's daughters; and
consequently his father's will would have been as
well fulfilled in the one as in the other. But
because, besides his father's will, he desired to
satisfy his own liking, charmed with the beauty and
grace of Rachel, he disliked marrying Lia, and took
her against his inclination, resignedly.
But the indifferent heart is not such; for knowing
that tribulation, though hard-favoured as another Lia,
ceases not on that account to be daughter and
well-beloved daughter to the Divine pleasure, it
loves her as much as consolation, though the latter
be in herself more amiable; - yea, it loves
tribulation more, because it sees nothing amiable in
her save the mark of God's will.
If I desire pure water only, what care I whether
it be served in a golden vessel or in a glass, as in
either case I take only the water: yea, I would
rather have it in a glass, because this has no other
colour than water itself, which thus I also see
better. What matter whether God's will be presented
to us in tribulation or in consolation, since I seek
nothing in either of them but God's will, which is so
much the better seen when there is no other beauty
present save that of this most holy, eternal,
good-pleasure.
Heroic, yea more than heroic, was the Indifference of
the incomparable S. Paul. I am straitened, said he,
between two, having a desire to be dissolved and to
be with Christ, a thing by far the better. But to
abide still in the flesh is needful for you.(1)
Wherein he was followed by the great Bishop S.
Martin, who having come to the end of his life,
pressed with an extreme desire to go to his God, did
yet testify that he would most willingly remain
amongst the labours of his charge, for the good of
his flock, as if after having sung this canticle: How
lovely are thy tabernacles, O Lord of hosts! My soul
longeth and fainteth for the courts of the Lord. My
heart and my flesh have rejoiced in the living
God:(2) - he went on to make this exclamation: "Yet O
Lord, if I am still necessary for the salvation of
your people, I refuse not the labour, your will be
done."
Admirable the Indifference of the Apostle,
admirable that of this Apostolic man! They see heaven
open for them, they see a thousand labours on earth,
they are indifferent in the choice of either: nothing
but the will of God can set their hearts at rest;
heaven appears no more pleasant than worldly
miseries, if God's good-pleasure be equally in them
both: labours are a heaven if God's will be found in
them, and heaven is unhappiness if it be not found
therein; for as David said, they desire nothing in
heaven or earth except to see God's good-pleasure
accomplished. What have I in heaven, and besides thee
what do I desire upon earth?(3)
The indifferent heart is as a ball of wax in the
hands of its God, receiving with equal readiness all
the impressions of the Divine pleasure; it is a heart
without choice, equally disposed for everything,
having no other object of its will than the will of
its God, and placing its affection not upon the
things that God wills, but upon the will of God who
wills them. Wherefore, when God's will is in various
things, it chooses, at any cost, that in which it
appears most.
God's will is found in marriage and in virginity,
but because it is more in virginity, the indifferent
heart makes choice of virginity though this cost it
its life, as with S. Paul's dear spiritual daughter
S. Thecla, with S. Cecily, S. Agatha, and a thousand
others. God's will is found in the service of the
poor and of the rich, but yet somewhat more in
serving the poor; the indifferent heart will choose
that side. God's will lies in moderation amid
consolations, and in patience amid tribulations: the
indifferent heart prefers the latter, as having more
of God's will in it.
To conclude, God's will is the sovereign object of
the indifferent soul; wheresoever she sees it she
runs after the odour of its perfumes, directing her
course ever thither where it most appears, without
considering anything else. She is conducted by the
Divine will, as by a beloved chain; which way soever
it goes, she follows it: she would prize hell more
with God's will than heaven without it; nay she would
even prefer hell before heaven if she perceived only
a little more of God's good-pleasure in that than in
this, so that if by supposition of an impossible
thing she should know that her damnation would be
more agreeable to God than her salvation, she would
quit her salvation and run to her damnation.
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