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There are souls active, fertile and abounding in
considerations. There are souls who readily double
and bend back on themselves, who love to feel what
they are doing, who wish to see and scrutinize what
passes in them, turning their view ever on themselves
to discover the progress they make.
And there are yet others who are not content to be
content unless they feel, see, and relish their
contentment; these are like to persons who being well
protected against the cold would not believe it if
they knew not how many garments they had on, or who,
seeing their cabinets full of money, would not esteem
themselves rich unless they knew the number of their
coins.
Now all these spirits are ordinarily subject to be
troubled in prayer, for if God deign them the sacred
repose of his presence, they voluntarily forsake it
to note their own behaviour therein, and to examine
whether they are really in content, disquieting
themselves to discern whether their tranquillity is
really tranquil, and their quietude quiet: so that
instead of sweetly occupying their will in tasting
the sweets of the divine presence, they employ their
understanding in reasoning upon the feelings they
have; as a bride who should keep her attention on her
wedding-ring without looking upon the bridegroom who
gave it her. There is a great difference, Theotimus,
between being occupied with God who gives us the
contentment, and being busied with the contentment
which God gives us.
The soul, then, to whom God gives holy, loving
quiet in prayer, must abstain as far as she is able
from looking upon herself or her repose, which to be
preserved must not be curiously observed; for he who
loves it too much loses it, and the right rule of
loving it properly is not to love it too
anxiously.(1) And as a child who, to see where his
feet are, has taken his head from his mother's
breast, immediately returns to it, because he dearly
loves it; so if we perceive ourselves distracted,
through a curiosity to know what we are doing in
prayer, we must replace our hearts in the sweet and
peaceable attention to God's presence from whence we
strayed.
Yet we are not to apprehend any danger of losing
this sacred repose by actions of body or mind which
are not done from lightness or indiscretion. For, as
the Blessed Mother (S.) Teresa says, it were a
superstition to be so jealous of this repose as not
to cough, spit or breathe, for fear of losing it,
since God who gives this peace does not withdraw it
for such necessary movements, nor yet for those
distractions and wanderings of the mind which are not
voluntary: and the will having once tasted the divine
presence does not cease to relish the sweetness
thereof, though the understanding or memory should
make an escape and slip away after foreign and
useless thoughts.
It is true the repose of the soul is not then so
great as when the understanding and memory conspire
with the will, yet is it a true spiritual
tranquillity, since it continues to reign in the
will, which is the mistress of all the other
faculties.
Indeed we have seen a soul most strongly fixed and
united to her God, who yet had her understanding and
memory so free from all interior occupation, that she
understood very distinctly all that was said around
her, and perfectly remembered it, though she could
not answer, or loose herself from God, to whom she
was fastened by the application of her will. And so
attached, I tell you, that she could not be withdrawn
from this sweet entertainment without experiencing a
great grief, which provoked her to sighs: these
indeed she gave in the very deepest of her
consolation and quiet; as we see young children
murmur and make little plaints when they have
ardently desired the milk, and begin to suck; or as
Jacob did, who, in kissing the fair and chaste
Rachel, lifting up his voice wept,(2)through the
vehemence of the consolation and tenderness which he
felt. This soul, then, whom I speak of, having only
her will engaged, but her understanding, memory,
hearing and imagination frees resembled, I think, the
little child who, while sucking, might see and hear
and even move his arms, without quitting the dear
breast.
However, the peace of the soul would be much greater
and sweeter if there were no noise around her, nor
occasion given of stirring herself either in body or
mind, for she would greatly wish to be solely
occupied in the sweetness of this divine presence;
however, being sometimes unable to hinder
distractions in her other faculties, she preserves
peace in the will at least, which is the faculty
whereby she receives the enjoyment of good.
And note, that then the will being retained in
quiet by the pleasure which it takes in the divine
presence, does not move itself to bring back the
other powers which are straying; because by
undertaking this she would lose her repose,
separating herself from her dearly beloved; and she
would lose her labour if she ran hither and thither
to catch these volatile powers, which also can never
be better brought to their duty than by the
perseverance of the will in holy quiet: for little by
little all the faculties are attracted by the
pleasure which the will receives, and of which she
gives them a certain perception like perfumes which
excite them to draw near her, to participate in the
good which she enjoys.
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