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But, you will ask me, what means is there to discern
whether it be Rachel or Lia, charity or imperfect
love, which gives me the feelings of devotion
wherewith I am touched?
If when you examine in particular the objects of
the desires, affections and designs which you have at
the time, you find any one for which you would go
against the will and good-pleasure of God by sinning
mortally, it is then beyond doubt that all the
feeling, all the facility and promptitude which you
have in God's service, issue from no other source
than human and imperfect love: for if perfect love
reigned in us - Ah! it would break every affection,
every desire, every design, the object of which was
so pernicious, and it would not endure that your
heart should behold it.
But note that I said this examination must be made
upon the affections you have at the time, for it is
not requisite that you should imagine to yourself
such as may arise hereafter, since it is sufficient
that we be faithful in present occurrences, according
to the diversity of times, and since each season has
quite enough labour and pain of its own.
Yet if you were desirous to exercise your heart in
spiritual valour, by the representation of divers
encounters and assaults, you might profitably do so,
provided that after the acts of this imaginary valour
which your heart may have made, you esteem not
yourself more valiant: for the children of Ephraim,
who did wonders with their bows and arrows in their
warlike games at home, when it came indeed to the
push upon the day of battle, turned their backs, and
had not so much as the courage to lay their arrows on
the string, or to face the points of those of their
enemies. They have turned back in the day of
battle.(1)
When therefore we practise this valour about
future occurrences, or such as are only possible, if
we find a good and faithful feeling we are to thank
God for it, for this feeling is good as far as it
goes: still we are to keep ourselves with humility
between confidence and diffidence, hoping that by
God's grace we should do, on occasion, that which we
imagined, and still fearing that according to our
ordinary misery we should perhaps do nothing and lose
heart.
But if the diffidence should become so excessive,
that we should seem to ourselves to have neither
force nor courage, and therefore feel a despair with
regard to imaginary temptations, as though we were
not in God's charity and grace, then in despite of
our feeling of discouragement we must make a
resolution of great fidelity in all that may occur up
to the temptation which troubles us, hoping that when
it comes, God will multiply his grace, redouble his
succours, and afford us all necessary assistance; and
while he gives us not the force for an imaginary and
unnecessary war, he will give it us when it comes to
the need.
For as many in the assault have lost courage, so
many have also lost fear, and have taken heart and
resolution in the presence of danger and difficulty
which without this they could never have done. And
so, many of God's servants, representing to
themselves absent temptations, have been affrighted
at them even almost to the losing of courage, while
when they saw them present, they behaved themselves
courageously.
Finally in those fears which arise from the
representation of future assaults, when our heart
seems to fail us, it is sufficient that we desire
courage, and trust that God will bestow it upon us at
the necessary time.
Samson had not his strength always but we are told
in the Scripture that the lion of the vines of
Thamnatha, coming towards him, raging and roaring,
the spirit of the Lord came upon him: that is, God
gave him the movement of a new force and a new
courage, and he tore the lion as he would have torn a
kid in pieces.(2) And the same happened when he
defeated the thousand Philistines, who thought they
would have overthrown him in the field of Lechi.
So, my dear Theotimus, it is not necessary for us
to have always the feeling and movement of courage
requisite to overcome the roaring lion which goeth
about seeking whom he may devour: this might cause us
vanity and presumption. It is sufficient that we have
a good desire to fight valiantly, and a perfect
confidence that the Holy Ghost will assist us with
his helping hand, when occasion shall present itself.
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