|
God help me in this task which I have embarked
upon.[94] I had quite forgotten what I was writing
about, for business matters and ill-health forced me
to postpone continuing it until a more suitable time,
and, as I have a poor memory, it will all be very
much confused, for I cannot read it through again. It
may even be that everything I say is confused; that,
at least, is what I am afraid of.
I think I was talking about spiritual consolations
and explaining how they are sometimes bound up with
our passions. They often cause fits of sobbing; I
have heard, indeed, that some persons find they
produce constrictions of the chest and even exterior
movements, which cannot be controlled, and which are
violent enough to make blood gush from the nose and
produce similar disconcerting symptoms. About this I
can say nothing, for I have not experienced it, but
there must be some cause for comfort in it, for, as I
say, it all leads to a desire to please God and to
have fruition of His Majesty.
What I call consolations from God, and elsewhere have
termed the Prayer of Quiet, is something of a very
different kind, as those of you will know who by the
mercy of God have experienced it. To understand it
better, let us suppose that we are looking at two
fountains, the basins of which can be filled with
water. There are certain spiritual things which I can
find no way of explaining more aptly than by this
element of water; for, as I am very ignorant, and my
wits give me no help, and I am so fond of this
element, I have observed it more attentively than
anything else. In all the things that have been
created by so great and wise a God there must be many
secrets by which we can profit, and those who
understand them do profit by them, although I believe
that in every little thing created by God there is
more than we realize, even in so small a thing as a
tiny ant.
These two large basins can be filled with water in
different ways: the water in the one comes from a
long distance, by means of numerous conduits and
through human skill; but the other has been
constructed at the very source of the water and fills
without making any noise. If the flow of water is
abundant, as in the case we are speaking of, a great
stream still runs from it after it has been filled;
no skill is necessary here, and no conduits have to
be made, for the water is flowing all the time. The
difference between this and the carrying of the water
by means of conduits is, I think, as follows. The
latter corresponds to the spiritual sweetness which,
as I say, is produced by meditation. It reaches us by
way of the thoughts; we meditate upon created things
and fatigue the understanding; and when at last, by
means of our own efforts, it comes, the satisfaction
which it brings to the soul fills the basin, but in
doing so makes a noise, as I have said.
To the other fountain the water comes direct from its
source, which is God, and, when it is His Majesty's
will and He is pleased to grant us some supernatural
favour, its coming is accompanied by the greatest
peace and quietness and sweetness within ourselves --
I cannot say where it arises or how. And that content
and delight are not felt, as earthly delights are
felt, in the heart -- I mean not at the outset, for
later the basin becomes completely filled, and then
this water begins to overflow all the Mansions and
faculties, until it reaches the body. It is for that
reason that I said it has its source in God and ends
in ourselves -- for it is certain, and anyone will
know this who has experienced it, that the whole of
the outer man enjoys this consolation and sweetness.
I was thinking just now, as I wrote this, that a
verse which I have already quoted, Dilatasti cor
meum,95 speaks of the heart's being enlarged. I do
not think that this happiness has its source in the
heart at all. It arises in a much more interior part,
like something of which the springs are very deep; I
think this must be the centre of the soul, as I have
since realized and as I will explain hereafter. I
certainly find secret things in ourselves which often
amaze me -- and how many more there must be! O my
Lord and my God! How wondrous is Thy greatness! And
we creatures go about like silly little
shepherd-boys, thinking we are learning to know
something of Thee when the very most we can know
amounts to nothing at all, for even in ourselves
there are deep secrets which we cannot fathom. When I
say "amounts to nothing at all" I mean because Thou
art so surpassingly great, not because the signs of
greatness that we see in Thy works are not very
wonderful, even considering how very little we can
learn to know of them.
Returning to this verse, what it says about the
enlargement of the heart may, I think, be of some
help to us. For apparently, as this heavenly water
begins to flow from this source of which I am
speaking -- that is, from our very depths -- it
proceeds to spread within us and cause an interior
dilation and produce ineffable blessings, so that the
soul itself cannot understand all that it receives
there. The fragrance it experiences, we might say, is
as if in those interior depths there were a brazier
on which were cast sweet perfumes; the light cannot
be seen, nor the place where it dwells, but the
fragrant smoke and the heat penetrate the entire
soul, and very often, as I have said, the effects
extend even to the body.
Observe -- and understand me here -- that no heat
is felt, nor is any fragrance perceived: it is a more
delicate thing than that; I only put it in that way
so that you may understand it. People who have not
experienced it must realize that it does in very
truth happen; its occurrence is capable of being
perceived, and the soul becomes aware of it more
clearly than these words of mine can express it. For
it is not a thing that we can fancy, nor, however
hard we strive, can we acquire it, and from that very
fact it is clear that it is a thing made, not of
human metal, but of the purest gold of Divine wisdom.
In this state the faculties are not, I think, in
union, but they become absorbed and are amazed as
they consider what is happening to them.
It may be that in writing of these interior things I
am contradicting what I have myself said elsewhere.
This is not surprising, for almost fifteen years have
passed since then,[96] and perhaps the Lord has now
given me a clearer realization of these matters than
I had at first. Both then and now, of course, I may
be mistaken in all this, but I cannot lie about it:
by the mercy of God I would rather die a thousand
deaths: I am speaking of it just as I understand it.
The will certainly seems to me to be united in some
way with the will of God; but it is by the effects of
this prayer and the actions which follow it that the
genuineness of the experience must be tested and
there is no better crucible for doing so than this.
If the person who receives such a grace recognizes it
for what it is, Our Lord is granting him a
surpassingly great favour, and another very great one
if he does not turn back. You will desire, then, my
daughters, to strive to attain this way of prayer,
and you will be right to do so, for, is I have said,
the soul cannot fully understand the favours which
the Lord grants it there or the love which draws it
ever nearer to Himself, it is certainly desirable
that we should know how to obtain this favour. I will
tell you what I have found out about it.
We may leave out of account occasions when the Lord
is pleased to grant these favours for no other reason
than because His Majesty so wills. He knows why He
does it and it is not for us to interfere. As well as
acting, then, as do those who have dwelt in the
Mansions already described, have humility and again
humility!
It is by humility that the Lord allows Himself to
be conquered so that He will do all we ask of Him,
and the first way in which you will see if you have
humility is that if you have it you will not think
you merit these favours and consolations of the Lord
or are likely to get them for as long as you live.
"But how," you will ask, "are we to gain them if we
do not strive after them?" I reply that there is no
better way than this one which I have described.
There are several reasons why they should not be
striven for.
- The first is because the most essential thing
is that we should love God without any motive of
self-interest.
- The second is because there is some lack of
humility in our thinking that in return for our
miserable services we can obtain anything so great.
- The third is because the true preparation for
receiving these gifts is a desire to suffer and to
imitate the Lord, not to receive consolations; for,
after all, we have often offended Him.
- The fourth reason is because His Majesty is not
obliged to grant them to us, as He is obliged to
grant us glory if we keep His commandments, without
doing which we could not be saved, and He knows
better than we what is good for us and which of us
truly love Him. That is certain truth, as I know;
and I also know people who walk along the road of
love, solely, as they should, in order to serve
Christ crucified, and not only do they neither ask
for consolations nor desire them, but they beg Him
not to give them to them in this life.
- The fifth reason is that we should be labouring
in vain; for this water does not flow through
conduits, as the other does, and so we gain nothing
by fatiguing ourselves if it cannot be had at the
source. I mean that, however much we may practise
meditation, however much we do violence to
ourselves,[97] and however many tears we shed, we
cannot produce this water in those ways; it is
given only to whom God wills to give it and often
when the soul is not thinking of it at all.
We are His, sisters; may He do with us as He will
and lead us along whatever way He pleases. I am sure
that if any of us achieve true humility and
detachment (I say "true" because it must not be in
thought alone, for thoughts often deceive us; it must
be total detachment) the Lord will not fail to grant
us this favour, and many others which we shall not
even know how to desire. May He be for ever praised
and blessed. Amen.
|
