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The Disciple
Lord God, Holy Father, may You be blessed now and in
eternity. For as You will, so is it done; and what
You do is good. Let Your servant rejoice in You --
not in himself or in any other, for You alone are
true joy. You are my hope and my crown. You, O Lord,
are my joy and my honor.What does Your servant
possess that he has not received from You, and that
without any merit of his own? Yours are all the
things which You have given, all the things which You
have made.
I am poor and in labors since my youth, and my
soul is sorrowful sometimes even to the point of
tears. At times, also, my spirit is troubled because
of impending sufferings. I long for the joy of peace.
Earnestly I beg for the peace of Your children who
are fed by You in the light of consolation. If You
give peace, if You infuse holy joy, the soul of Your
servant shall be filled with holy song and be devout
in praising You. But if You withdraw Yourself, as You
so very often do, he will not be able to follow the
way of Your commandments, but will rather be obliged
to strike his breast and bend the knee, because his
today is different from yesterday and the day before
when Your light shone upon his head and he was
protected in the shadow of Your wings from the
temptations rushing upon him.
Just Father, ever to be praised, the hour is come for
Your servant to be tried. Beloved Father, it is right
that in this hour Your servant should suffer
something for You. O Father, forever to be honored,
the hour which You knew from all eternity is at hand,
when for a short time Your servant should be
outwardly oppressed, but inwardly should ever live
with You.
Let him be a little slighted, let him be humbled,
let him fail in the sight of men, let him be
afflicted with sufferings and pains, so that he may
rise again with You in the dawn of the new light and
be glorified in heaven.
Holy Father, You have so appointed and wished it.
What has happened is what You commanded. For this is
a favor to Your friend, to suffer and be troubled in
the world for Your love, no matter how often and by
whom You permit it to happen to him.
Nothing happens in the world without Your design
and providence, and without cause. It is well for me,
O Lord, that You have humbled me, that I may learn
the justice of Your judgments and cast away all
presumption and haughtiness of heart. It is
profitable for me that shame has covered my face that
I may look to You rather than to men for consolation.
Hereby I have learned also to fear Your inscrutable
judgment falling alike upon the just and unjust yet
not without equity and justice.
Thanks to You that You have not spared me evils but
have bruised me with bitter blows, inflicting
sorrows, sending distress without and within. Under
heaven there is none to console me except You, my
Lord God, the heavenly Physician of souls, Who wound
and heal, Who cast down to hell and raise up again.
Your discipline is upon me and Your very rod shall
instruct me.
Behold, beloved Father, I am in Your hands. I bow
myself under Your correcting chastisement. Strike my
back and my neck, that I may bend my crookedness to
Your will. Make of me a pious and humble follower, as
in Your goodness You are wont to do, that I may walk
according to Your every nod. Myself and all that is
mine I commit to You to be corrected, for it is
better to be punished here than hereafter.
You know all things without exception, and nothing
in man's conscience is hidden from You. Coming events
You know before they happen, and there is no need for
anyone to teach or admonish You of what is being done
on earth. You know what will promote my progress, and
how much tribulation will serve to cleanse away the
rust of vice. Deal with me according to Your good
pleasure and do not despise my sinful life, which is
known to none so well or so clearly as to You alone.
Grant me, O Lord, the grace to know what should be
known, to praise what is most pleasing to You, to
esteem that which appears most precious to You, and
to abhor what is unclean in Your sight.
Do not allow me to judge according to the light of my
bodily eyes, nor to give sentence according to the
hearing of ignorant men's ears. But let me
distinguish with true judgment between things visible
and spiritual, and always seek above all things Your
good pleasure. The senses of men often err in their
judgments, and the lovers of this world also err in
loving only visible things. How is a man the better
for being thought greater by men? The deceiver
deceives the deceitful, the vain man deceives the
vain, the blind deceives the blind, the weak deceives
the weak as often as he extols them, and in truth his
foolish praise shames them the more. For, as the
humble St. Francis says, whatever anyone is in Your
sight, that he is and nothing more.
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