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Dearest Mother in Christ Jesus, and Sister in the
holy memory of our blessed mother Catherine, I,
Barduccio, a wretched and guilty sinner, recommend
myself to your holy prayers as a feeble infant,
orphaned by the death of so great a mother.
I received your letter and read it with much
pleasure, and communicated it to my afflicted mothers
here, who, supremely grateful for your great charity
and tender love towards them, recommend themselves
greatly, for their part, to your prayers, and beg you
to recommend them to the Prioress and all the sisters
that they may be ready to do all that may be pleasing
to God concerning themselves and you.
But since you, as a beloved and faithful daughter,
desire to know the end of our common mother, I am
constrained to satisfy your desire; and although I
know myself to be but little fitted to give such a
narration, I will write in any case what my feeble
eyes have seen, and what the dull senses of my soul
have been able to comprehend.
This blessed virgin and mother of thousands of
souls, about the feast of the Circumcision, began to
feel so great a change both in soul and body, that
she was obliged to alter her mode of life, the action
of taking food for her sustenance becoming so
loathsome to her, that it was only with the greatest
difficulty that she could force herself to take any,
and, when she did so, she swallowed nothing of the
substance of the food, but had the habit of rejecting
it. Moreover, not one drop of water could she swallow
for refreshment, whence came to her a most violent
and tedious thirst, and so great an inflammation of
her throat that her breath seemed to be fire, with
all which, however, she remained in very good health,
robust and fresh as usual.
In these conditions we reached Sexagesima Sunday,
when, about the hour of vespers, at the time of her
prayer, she had so violent a stroke that from that
day onwards she was no longer in health. Towards the
night of the following Monday, just after I had
written a letter, she had another stroke so terrific,
that we all mourned her as dead, remaining under it
for a long time without giving any sign of life.
Then, rising, she stood for an equal space of time,
and did not seem the same person as she who had
fallen.
From that hour began new travail and bitter pains
in her body, and, Lent having arrived, she began, in
spite of her infirmity, to give herself with such
application of mind to prayer that the frequency of
the humble sighs and sorrowful plaints which she
exhaled from the depth of her heart appeared to us a
miracle. I think, too, that you know that her prayers
were so fervent that one hour spent in prayer by her
reduced that dear tender frame to greater weakness
than would be suffered by one who should persist for
two whole days in prayer. Meanwhile, every morning,
after communion, she arose from the earth in such a
state that any one who had seen her would have
thought her dead, and was thus carried back to bed.
Thence, after an hour or two, she would arise afresh,
and we would go to St. Peter's, although a good mile
distant, where she would place herself in prayer, so
remaining until vespers, finally returning to the
house so worn out that she seemed a corpse.
These were her exercises up till the third Sunday
in Lent, when she finally succumbed, conquered by the
innumerable sufferings, which daily increased, and
consumed her body, and the infinite afflictions of
the soul which she derived from the consideration of
the sins which she saw being committed against God,
and from the dangers ever more grave to which she
knew the Holy Church to be exposed, on account of
which she remained greatly overcome, and both
internally and externally tormented.
She lay in this state for eight weeks, unable to
lift her head, and full of intolerable pains, from
the soles of her feet to the crown of her head, to
such an extent that she would often say: "These pains
are truly physical, but not natural; for it seems
that God has given permission to the devils to
torment this body at their pleasure." And, in truth,
it evidently was so; for, if I were to attempt to
explain the patience which she practiced, under this
terrible and unheard-of agony, I should fear to
injure, by my explanations, facts which cannot be
explained. This only will I say, that, every time
that a new torment came upon her, she would joyously
raise her eyes and her heart to God and say: "Thanks
to You, oh eternal Spouse, for granting such graces
afresh every day to me, Your miserable and most
unworthy handmaid!"
In this way her body continued to consume itself
until the Sunday before the Ascension; but by that
time it was reduced to such a state that it seemed
like a corpse in a picture, though I speak not of the
face, which remained ever angelical and breathed
forth devotion, but of the bosom and limbs, in which
nothing could be seen but the bones, covered by the
thinnest skin, and so feeble was she from the waist
downwards that she could not move herself, even a
little, from one side to another.
In the night preceding the aforesaid Sunday, about
two hours or more before dawn, a great change was
produced in her, and we thought that she was
approaching the end. The whole family was then called
around her, and she, with singular humility and
devotion, made signs to those who were standing near
that she desired to receive Holy Absolution for her
faults and the pains due to them, and so it was done.
After which she became gradually reduced to such a
state that we could observe no other movement than
her breathing, continuous, sad, and feeble. On
account of this it seemed right to give her extreme
unction, which our abbot of Sant' Antimo did, while
she lay as it were deprived of feeling.
After this unction she began altogether to change,
and to make various signs with her head and her arms
as if to show that she was suffering from grave
assaults of demons, and remained in this calamitous
state for an hour and a half, half of which time
having been passed in silence, she began to say: "I
have sinned! Oh Lord, have mercy on me!" And this, as
I believe, she repeated more than sixty times,
raising each time her right arm, and then letting it
fall and strike the bed. Then, changing her words,
she said as many times again, but without moving her
arms, "Holy God, have mercy on me!"
Finally she employed the remainder of the
above-mentioned time with many other formulas of
prayer both humble and devout, expressing various
acts of virtue, after which her face suddenly changed
from gloom to angelic light, and her tearful and
clouded eyes became serene and joyous, in such a
manner that I could not doubt that, like one saved
from a deep sea, she was restored to herself, which
circumstance greatly mitigated the grief of her sons
and daughters who were standing around in the
affliction you can imagine.
Catherine had been lying on the bosom of Mother
Alessia and now succeeded in rising, and with a
little help began to sit up, leaning against the same
mother. In the meantime we had put before her eyes a
pious picture, containing many relics and various
pictures of the saints. She, however, fixed her eyes
on the image of the cross set in it, and began to
adore it, explaining, in words, certain of her most
profound feelings of the goodness of God, and while
she prayed, she accused herself in general of all her
sins in the sight of God, and, in particular, said:
"It is my fault, oh eternal Trinity, that I have
offended You so miserably with my negligence,
ignorance, ingratitude, and disobedience, and many
other defects. Wretch that I am! for I have not
observed Your commandments, either those which are
given in general to all, or those which Your goodness
laid upon me in particular! Oh mean creature that I
am!"
Saying which, she struck her breast, repeating her
confession, and continued: "I have not observed Your
precept, with which You commanded me to seek always
to give You honor, and to spend myself in labors for
my neighbor, while I, on the contrary, have fled from
labors, especially where they were necessary. Did You
not command me, oh, my God! to abandon all thought of
myself and to consider solely the praise and glory of
Your Name in the salvation of souls, and with this
food alone, taken from the table of the most holy
Cross, to comfort myself? But I have sought my own
consolation. You did ever invite me to bind myself to
You alone by sweet, loving, and fervent desires, by
tears and humble and continuous prayers for the
salvation of the whole world and for the reformation
of the holy Church, promising me that, on account of
them, You would use mercy with the world, and give
new beauty to Your Spouse; but I, wretched one, have
not corresponded with Your desire, but have remained
asleep in the bed of negligence.
"Oh, unhappy that I am! You have placed me in
charge of souls, assigning to me so many beloved
sons, that I should love them with singular love and
direct them to You by the way of Life, but I have
been to them nothing but a mirror of human weakness;
I have had no care of them; I have not helped them
with continuous and humble prayer in Your presence,
nor have I given them sufficient examples of the good
life or the warnings of salutary doctrine. Oh, mean
creature that I am! with how little reverence have I
received Your innumerable gifts, the graces of such
sweet torments and labors which it pleased You to
accumulate on this fragile body, nor have I endured
them with that burning desire and ardent love with
which You sent them to me. Alas! oh, my Love, through
Your excessive goodness You chose me for Your spouse,
from the beginning of my childhood, but I was not
faithful enough; in fact, I was unfaithful to You,
because I did not keep my memory faithful to You
alone and to Your most high benefits; nor have I
fixed my intelligence on the thought of them only or
disposed my will to love You immediately with all its
strength."
Of these and many other similar things did that
pure dove accuse herself, rather, as I think, for our
example than for her own need, and then, turning to
the priest, said: "For the love of Christ crucified,
absolve me of all these sins which I have confessed
in the presence of God, and of all the others which I
cannot remember." That done, she asked again for the
plenary indulgence, saying that it had been granted
her by Pope Gregory and Pope Urban, saying this as
one an hungered for the Blood of Christ.
So I did what she asked, and she, keeping her eyes
ever fixed on the crucifix, began afresh to adore it
with the greatest devotion, and to say certain very
profound things which I, for my sins, was not worthy
to understand, and also on account of the grief with
which I was laboring and the anguish with which her
throat was oppressed, which was so great that she
could hardly utter her words, while we, placing our
ears to her mouth, were able to catch one or two now
or again, passing them on from one to the other.
After this she turned to certain of her sons, who
had not been present at a memorable discourse, which,
many days previously, she had made to the whole
family, showing us the way of salvation and
perfection, and laying upon each of us the particular
task which he was to perform after her death. She now
did the same to these others, begging most humbly
pardon of all for the slight care which she seemed to
have had of our salvation. Then she said certain
things to Lucio and to another, and finally to me,
and then turned herself straightway to prayer.
Oh! had you seen with what humility and reverence
she begged and received many times the blessing of
her most sorrowful mother, all that I can say is that
it was a bitter sweet to her. How full of tender
affection was the spectacle of the mother,
recommending herself to her blessed child, and
begging her to obtain a particular grace from God --
namely, that in these melancholy circumstances she
might not offend Him.
But all these things did not distract the holy
virgin from the fervor of her prayer; and,
approaching her end, she began to pray especially for
the Catholic Church, for which she declared she was
giving her life. She prayed again for Pope Urban VI.,
whom she resolutely confessed to be the true Pontiff,
and strengthened her sons never to hesitate to give
their life for that truth.
Then, with the greatest fervor, she besought all
her beloved children whom the Lord had given her, to
love Him alone, repeating many of the words which our
Savior used, when He recommended the disciples to the
Father, praying with such affection, that, at hearing
her, not only our hearts, but the very stones might
have been broken.
Finally, making the sign of the cross, she blessed
us all, and thus continued in prayer to the end of
her life for which she had so longed, saying: "You,
oh Lord, call me, and I come to You, not through my
merits, but through Your mercy alone, which I ask of
You, in virtue of Your Blood!" and many times she
called out: "Blood, Blood!" Finally, after the
example of the Savior, she said: "Father, into Your
Hands I commend my soul and my spirit," and thus
sweetly, with a face all shining and angelical, she
bent her head, and gave up the ghost.
Her transit occurred on the Sunday at the hour of
Sext, but we kept her unburied until the hour of
Compline on Tuesday, without any odor being
perceptible, her body remaining so pure, intact, and
fragrant, that her arms, her neck and her legs
remained as flexible as if she were still alive.
During those three days the body was visited by
crowds of people, and lucky he thought himself who
was able to touch it.
Almighty God also worked many miracles in that
time, which in my hurry I omit. Her tomb is visited
devoutly by the faithful, like those of the other
holy bodies which are in Rome, and Almighty God is
granting many graces in the name of His blessed
spouse, and I doubt not that there will be many more,
and we are made great by hearing of them. I say no
more. Recommend me to the Prioress and all the
sisters, for I have, at present, the greatest need of
the help of prayer. May Almighty God preserve you and
help you to grow in His grace.
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