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"Contrariwise, a wicked disobedient man dwells in the
ship of a religious order with so much pain to
himself and others, that in this life he tastes the
earnest of hell, he remains always in sadness and
confusion of mind, tormented by the sting of
conscience, with hatred of his order and superior,
insupportable to himself.
"What a terrible thing it is, My daughter, to see
one who has once taken the key of obedience of a
religious order, living in disobedience, to which he
has made himself a slave, for of disobedience he has
made his mistress with her companion impatience,
nourished by pride, and his own pleasure, which pride
(as has been said) issues from self-love.
"For him everything is the contrary to what it
would be for the obedient man. For how can this
wretch be in any other state than suffering, for he
is deprived of charity, he is obliged by force to
incline the neck of his own will, and pride keeps it
erect, all his desires are in discord with the will
of the order. The order commands obedience, and he
loves disobedience; the order commands voluntary
poverty, and he avoids it, possessing and acquiring
riches; the order commands continence and purity, and
he desires lewdness.
"By transgressing these three vows, My daughter, a
religious comes to ruin, and falls into so many
miseries, that his aspect is no longer that of a
religious but of an incarnate devil, as in another
place I related to you at greater length. I will,
however, tell you something now of their delusion,
and of the fruit which they obtained by disobedience
to the commendation and exhortation of obedience.
"This wretched man is deluded by his self-love,
because the eye of his intellect is fixed, with a
dead faith, on pleasing his self-will, and on things
of the world. He left the world in body, but remained
there in his affections, and because obedience seems
wearisome to him he wishes to disobey in order to
avoid weariness; whereby he arrives at the greatest
weariness of all, for he is obliged to obey either by
force or by love, and it would have been better and
less wearisome to have obeyed by love than without
it.
"Oh! how deluded he is, and no one else deceives
him but himself. Wishing to please himself he only
gives himself displeasure, for the actions which he
will have to do, through the obedience imposed on
him, do not please him. He wishes to enjoy delights
and make this life his eternity, but the order wishes
him to be a pilgrim, and continually proves it to
him; for when he is in a nice pleasant resting place,
where he would like to remain for the pleasures and
delights he finds there, he is transferred elsewhere,
and the change gives him pain, for his will was
active against his obedience, and yet he is obliged
to endure the discipline and labors of the order, and
thus remains in continual torment.
"See, therefore, how he deludes himself; for,
wishing to fly pain, he on the contrary falls into
it, for his blindness does not let him know the road
of true obedience, which is a road of truth founded
by the obedient Lamb, My only-begotten Son, who
removed pain from it, so that he walks by the road of
lies, believing that he will find delight there, but
finding on the contrary pain and bitterness. Who is
his guide?
"Self-love, that is his own passion for
disobedience. Such a man thinks like a fool to
navigate this tempestuous sea, with the strength of
his own arms, trusting in his own miserable
knowledge, and will not navigate it in the arms of
his order, and of his superior. Such a one is indeed
in the ship of the order in body, and not in mind; he
has quitted it in desire, not observing the
regulations or customs of the order, nor the three
vows which he promised to observe at the time of his
profession; he swims in the tempestuous sea, tossed
to and fro by contrary winds, fastened only to the
ship by his clothes, wearing the religious habit on
his body but not on his heart.
"Such a one is no friar, but a masquerader, a man
only in appearance. His life is lower than an
animal's, and he does not see that he labors more
swimming with his arms, than the good religious in
the ship, or that he is in danger of eternal death;
for if his clothes should be suddenly torn from the
ship, which will happen at the moment of death, he
will have no remedy. No, he does not see, for he has
darkened his light with the cloud of self-love,
whence has come his disobedience, which prevents him
seeing his misery, wherefore he miserably deceives
himself. What fruit is produced by this wretched
tree?
"The fruit of death, because the root of his
affection is planted in pride, which he has drawn
from self-love. Wherefore everything that issues from
this root -- flowers, leaves, and fruit -- is
corrupt, and the three boughs of this tree, which are
obedience, poverty, and continence, which spring from
the foot of the tree; that is, his affections are
corrupted.
"The leaves produced by this tree, which are his
words, are so corrupt that they would be out of place
in the mouth of a ribald secular; and if he have to
preach My doctrine, he does so in polished terms, not
simply, as one who should feed souls with the seed of
My Word, but with eloquent language.
"Look at the stinking flowers of this tree, which
are his diverse and various thoughts, which he
voluntarily welcomes with delight and pleasure, not
flying the occasions of them, but rather seeking them
in order to be able to accomplish a sinful act, the
which is the fruit which kills him, depriving him of
the light of grace, and giving him eternal death.
"And what stench comes from this fruit, sprung
from the flowers of the tree? The stench of
disobedience, for, in the secret of his heart, he
wishes to examine and judge unfaithfully his
superior's will; a stench of impurity, for he takes
delight in many foul conversations, wretchedly
tempting his penitents.
"Wretch that you are, do you not see that under
the color of devotion you conceal a troop of
children? This comes from your disobedience. You have
not chosen the virtues for your children as does the
truly obedient religious; you strive to deceive your
superior when you see that he denies you something
which your perverse will desires, using the leaves of
smooth or rough words, speaking irreverently and
reproving him.
"You can not endure your brother, nor even the
smallest word and reproof which he may make to you,
but in such a case you immediately bring forth the
poisoned fruit of anger and hatred against him,
judging that to be done to your hurt which was done
for your good, and thus taking scandal, your soul and
body living in pain. Why has your brother displeased
you?
"Because you live for your own sensual pleasure,
you fly your cell as if it were a prison, for you
have abandoned the cell of self-knowledge, and thus
fallen into disobedience, wherefore you can not
remain in your material cell. You will not appear in
the refectory against your will whilst you have
anything to spend; when you have nothing left
necessity takes you there.
"Therefore the obedient have done well, who have
chosen to observe their vow of poverty, so that they
have nothing to spend, and therefore are not led away
from the sweet table of the refectory, where
obedience nourishes both body and soul in peace and
quiet. The obedient religious does not think of
laying a table, or of providing food for himself like
this wretched man, to whose taste it is painful to
eat in the refectory, wherefore he avoids it; he is
always the last to enter the choir, and the first to
leave it; with his lips he approaches Me, with his
heart he is far from Me.
"He gladly escapes from the chapter-house when he
can through fear of penance. When he is obliged to be
there, he is covered with shame and confusion for the
faults which he felt it no shame to commit. What is
the cause of this? Disobedience. He does not watch in
prayer, and not only does he omit mental prayer, but
even the Divine office to which he is obliged.
"He has no fraternal charity, because he loves no
one but himself, and that not with a reasonable but
with a bestial love. So great are the evils which
fall on the disobedient; so many are the fruits of
sorrow which he produces, that your tongue could not
relate them.
"Oh! disobedience, which deprives the soul of the
light of obedience, destroying peace, and giving war!
Disobedience destroys life and gives death, drawing
the religious out of the ship of the observance of
his order, to drown him in the sea, making him swim
in the strength of his own arms, and not repose on
those of the order.
"Disobedience clothes him with every misery,
causes him to die of hunger, taking away from him the
food of the merit of obedience, it gives him
continual bitterness, depriving him of every
sweetness and good, causing him to dwell with every
evil in life it gives him the earnest of cruel
torments to endure, and if he do not amend before his
clothes are loosened from the ship at death,
disobedience will lead the soul to eternal damnation,
together with the devils who fell from heaven,
because they rebelled against Me.
"In the same way have you, oh! disobedient man,
having rebelled against obedience and cast from you
the key which would have opened the door of heaven,
opened instead the door of hell with the key of
disobedience."
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