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Saint Paul teaches us all in the person of S. Timothy when he
says, "Honour widows that are widows indeed." (1) Now to be "a
widow indeed" it is necessary:--
1. That the widow be one not in body only, but in heart also;
that is to say, that she be fixed in an unalterable resolution to
continue in her widowhood. Those widows who are but waiting the
opportunity of marrying again are only widowed in externals, while
in will they have already laid aside their loneliness. If the
"widow indeed" chooses to confirm her widowhood by offering
herself by a vow to God, she will adorn that widowhood, and make
her resolution doubly sure, for the remembrance that she cannot
break her vow without danger of forfeiting Paradise, will make her
so watchful over herself, that a great barrier will be raised
against all kind of temptation that may assail her.
S. Augustine strongly recommends Christian widows to take this
vow, and the learned Origen goes yet further, for he advises
married women to take a vow of chastity in the event of losing
their husbands, so that amid the joys of married life they may yet
have a share in the merits of a chaste widowhood. Vows render the
actions performed under their shelter more acceptable to God,
strengthen us to perform good works, and help us to devote to Him
not merely those good works which are, so to say, the fruits of a
holy will, but to consecrate that will itself; the source of all
we do, to Him.
By ordinary chastity we offer our body to God, retaining the
power to return to sensual pleasure; but the vow of chastity is an
absolute and irrevocable gift to Him, without any power to recall
it, thereby making ourselves the happy slaves of Him Whose service
is to be preferred to royal power.
And as I greatly approve the counsels of the two venerable
Fathers I have named, I would have such persons as are so favoured
as to wish to embrace them, do so prudently, and in a holy,
stedfast spirit, after careful examination of their own courage,
having asked heavenly guidance, and taken the advice of some
discreet and pious director, and then all will be profitably done.
2. Further, all such renunciation of second marriage must be
done with a single heart, in order to fix the affections more
entirely on God, and to seek a more complete union with Him. For
if the widow retains her widowhood merely to enrich her children,
or for any other worldly motive, she may receive the praise of
men, but not that of God, inasmuch as nothing is worthy of His
Approbation save that which is done for His Sake. Moreover, she
who would be a widow indeed must be voluntarily cut off from all
worldly delights. "She that liveth in pleasure is dead while she
liveth," S. Paul says. (2)
A widow who seeks to be admired and followed and flattered, who
frequents balls and parties, who takes pleasure in dressing,
perfuming and adorning herself, may be a widow in the body, but
she is dead as to the soul. What does it matter, I pray you,
whether the flag of Adonis and his profane love be made of white
feathers or a net of crape? Nay, sometimes there is a conscious
vanity in that black is the most becoming dress; and she who
thereby endeavours to captivate men, and who lives in empty
pleasure, is "dead while she liveth," and is a mere mockery of
widowhood.
"The time of retrenchment is come, the voice of the turtle is
heard in our land." (3) Retrenchment of worldly superfluity is
required of whosoever would lead a devout life, but above all, it
is needful for the widow indeed, who mourns the loss of her
husband like a true turtle-dove. When Naomi returned from Moab to
Bethlehem, those that had known her in her earlier and brighter
days were moved, and said, "Is this Naomi? And she said unto them,
Call me not Naomi (which means beautiful and agreeable), call me
Mara, for the Almighty hath dealt very bitterly with me. I went
out full, and the Lord hath brought me home again empty." (4) Even
so the devout widow will not desire to be called or counted
beautiful or agreeable, asking no more than to be that which God
wills,--lowly and abject in His Eyes.
The lamp which is fed with aromatic oil sends forth a yet
sweeter odour when it is extinguished; and so those women whose
married love was true and pure, give out a stronger perfume of
virtue and chastity when their light (that is, their husband) is
extinguished by death. Love for a husband while living is a common
matter enough among women, but to love him so deeply as to refuse
to take another after his death, is a kind of love peculiar to her
who is a widow indeed. Hope in God, while resting on a husband, is
not so rare, but to hope in Him, when left alone and desolate, is
a very gracious and worthy thing. And thus it is that widowhood
becomes a test of the perfection of the virtues displayed by a
woman in her married life.
The widow who has children requiring her care and guidance,
above all in what pertains to their souls and the shaping of their
lives, cannot and ought not on any wise to forsake them. S. Paul
teaches this emphatically, and says that those who "provide not
for their own, and specially for those of their own house, are
worse than an infidel;" (5) but if her children do not need her
care, then the widow should gather together all her affections and
thoughts, in order to devote them more wholly to making progress
in the love of God.
If there is no call obliging her in conscience to attend to
external secular matters (legal or other), I should advise her to
leave them all alone, and to manage her affairs as quietly and
peacefully as may be, even if such a course does not seem the most
profitable. The fruit of disputes and lawsuits must be very great
indeed before it can be compared in worth to the blessing of holy
peace; not to say that those legal entanglements and the like are
essentially distracting, and often open the way for enemies who
sully the purity of a heart which should be solely devoted to God.
Prayer should be the widow's chief occupation: she has no love
left save for God,--she should scarce have ought to say to any
save God; and as iron, which is restrained from yielding to the
attraction of the magnet when a diamond is near, darts instantly
towards it so soon as the diamond is removed, so the widow's
heart, which could not rise up wholly to God, or simply follow the
leadings of His Heavenly Love during her husband's life, finds
itself set free, when he is dead, to give itself entirely to Him,
and cries out, with the Bride in the Canticles, "Draw me, I will
run after Thee." (6) I will be wholly Thine, and seek nothing save
the "savour of Thy good ointments."
A devout widow should chiefly seek to cultivate the graces of
perfect modesty, renouncing all honours, rank, title, society, and
the like vanities; she should be diligent in ministering to the
poor and sick, comforting the afflicted, leading the young to a
life of devotion, studying herself to be a perfect model of virtue
to younger women. Necessity and simplicity should be the adornment
of her garb, humility and charity of her actions, simplicity and
kindliness of her words, modesty and purity of her eyes,--Jesus
Christ Crucified the only Love of her heart.
Briefly, the true widow abides in the Church as a little March
violet, (7) shedding forth an exquisite sweetness through the
perfume of her devotion, ever concealing herself beneath the ample
leaves of her heart's lowliness, while her subdued colouring
indicates her mortification. She dwells in waste, uncultivated
places, because she shrinks from the world's intercourse, and
seeks to shelter her heart from the glare with which earthly
longings, whether of honours, wealth, or love itself, might dazzle
her. "Blessed is she if she so abide," says the holy Apostle. (8)
Much more could I say on this subject, but suffice it to bid
her who seeks to be a widow indeed, read S. Jerome's striking
Letters to Salvia, and the other noble ladies who rejoiced in
being the spiritual children of such a Father. Nothing can be said
more, unless it be to warn the widow indeed not to condemn or even
censure those who do resume the married life, for there are cases
in which God orders it thus to His Own greater Glory. We must ever
bear in mind the ancient teaching, that in Heaven virgins, wives,
and widows will know no difference, save that which their true
hearts' humility assigns them.
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