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Marriage is a great Sacrament both in Jesus Christ and His Church,
and one to be honoured to all, by all and in all. To all, for even
those who do not enter upon it should honour it in all humility.
By all, for it is holy alike to poor as to rich. In all, for its
origin, its end, its form and matter are holy. It is the nursery
of Christianity, whence the
earth is peopled with faithful, till the number of the elect in
Heaven be perfected; so that respect for the marriage tie is
exceedingly important to the commonwealth, of which it is the
source and supply.
Would to God that His Dear Son were bidden to all weddings as
to that of Cana! Truly then the wine of consolation and blessing
would never be lacking; for if these are often so wanting, it is
because too frequently now men summon Adonis instead of our Lord,
and Venus rather than Our Lady. He who desires that the young of
his flock should be like Jacob's, fair and ring-straked, must set
fair objects before their eyes; and he who would find a blessing
in his marriage, must ponder the holiness and dignity of this
Sacrament, instead of which too often weddings become a season of
mere feasting and disorder.
Above all, I would exhort all married people to seek that
mutual love so commended to them by the Holy Spirit in the Bible.
It is little to bid you love one another with a mutual
love,---turtle-doves do that; or with human love,--the heathen
cherished such love as that. But I say to you in the Apostle's
words: "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the
Church. Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands as unto the
Lord." (1) It was God Who brought Eve to our first father Adam,
and gave her to him to wife; and even so, my friends, it is God's
Invisible Hand Which binds you in the sacred bonds of marriage; it
is He Who gives you one to the other, therefore cherish one
another with a holy, sacred, heavenly love.
The first effect of this love is the indissoluble union of your
hearts. If you glue together two pieces of deal, provided that the
glue be strong, their union will be so close that the stick will
break more easily in any other part than where it is joined. Now
God unites husband and wife so closely in Himself, that it should
be easier to sunder soul from body than husband from wife; nor is
this union to be considered as mainly of the body, but yet more a
union of the heart, its affections and love.
The second effect of this love should be an inviolable fidelity
to one another. In olden times finger-rings were wont to be graven
as seals. We read of it in Holy Scripture, and this explains the
meaning of the marriage ceremony, when the Church, by the hand of
her priest, blesses a ring, and gives it first to the man in token
that she sets a seal on his heart by this Sacrament, so that no
thought of any other woman may ever enter therein so long as she,
who now is given to him, shall live. Then the bridegroom places
the ring on the bride's hand, so that she in her turn may know
that she must never conceive any affection in her heart for any
other man so long as he shall live, who is now given to her by our
Lord Himself.
The third end of marriage is the birth and bringing up of
children. And herein, O ye married people! are you greatly
honoured, in that God, willing to multiply souls to bless and
praise Him to all Eternity, He associates you with Himself in this
His work, by the production of bodies into which, like dew from
Heaven, He infuses the souls He creates as well as the bodies into
which they enter.
Therefore, husbands, do you preserve a tender, constant, hearty
love for your wives. It was that the wife might be loved heartily
and tenderly that woman was taken from the side nearest Adam's
heart. No failings or infirmities, bodily or mental, in your wife
should ever excite any kind of dislike in you, but rather a
loving, tender compassion; and that because God has made her
dependent on you, and bound to defer to and obey you; and that
while she is meant to be your helpmeet, you are her superior and
her head.
And on your part, wives, do you love the husbands God has given
you tenderly, heartily, but with a reverential, confiding love,
for God has made the man to have the predominance, and to be the
stronger; and He wills the woman to depend upon him,--bone of his
bone, flesh of his flesh,--taking her from out the ribs of the
man, to show that she must be subject to his guidance. All Holy
Scripture enjoins this subjection, which nevertheless is not
grievous; and the same Holy Scripture, while it bids you accept it
lovingly, bids your husband to use his superiority with great
tenderness, lovingkindness, and gentleness. "Husbands, dwell with
your wives according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife as
unto the weaker vessel." (2)
But while you seek diligently to foster this mutual love, give
good heed that it do not turn to any manner of jealousy. Just as
the worm is often hatched in the sweetest and ripest apple, so too
often jealousy springs up in the most warm and loving hearts,
defiling and ruining them, and if it is allowed to take root, it
will produce dissension, quarrels, and separation. Of a truth,
jealousy never arises where love is built up on true virtue, and
therefore it is a sure sign of an earthly, sensual love, in which
mistrust and inconstancy is soon infused. It is a sorry kind of
friendship which seeks to strengthen itself by jealousy; for
though jealousy may be a sign of strong, hot friendship, it is
certainly no sign of a good, pure, perfect attachment; and that
because perfect love implies absolute trust in the person loved,
whereas jealousy implies uncertainty.
If you, husbands, would have your wives faithful, be it yours
to set them the example. "How have you the face to exact purity
from your wives," asks S. Gregory Nazianzen, "if you yourself live
an impure life? or how can you require that which you do not give
in return? If you would have them chaste, let your own conduct to
them be chaste. S. Paul bids you possess your vessel in
sanctification; but if, on the contrary, you teach them evil, no
wonder that they dishonour you. And ye, O women! whose honour is
inseparable from modesty and purity, preserve it jealously, and
never allow the smallest speck to soil the whiteness of your
reputation."
Shrink sensitively from the veriest trifles which can touch it;
never permit any gallantries whatsoever. Suspect any who presume
to flatter your beauty or grace, for when men praise wares they
cannot purchase they are often tempted to steal; and if any one
should dare to speak in disparagement of your husband, show that
you are irrecoverably offended, for it is plain that he not only
seeks your fall, but he counts you as half fallen, since the
bargain with the new-comer is half made when one is disgusted with
the first merchant.
Ladies both in ancient and modern times have worn pearls in
their ears, for the sake (so says Pliny) of hearing them tinkle
against each other. But remembering how that friend of God, Isaac,
sent earrings as first pledges of his love to the chaste Rebecca,
I look upon this mystic ornament as signifying that the first
claim a husband has over his wife, and one which she ought most
faithfully to keep for him, is her ear; so that no evil word or
rumour enter therein, and nought be heard save the pleasant sound
of true and pure words, which are represented by the choice pearls
of the Gospel. Never forget that souls are poisoned through the
ear as much as bodies through the mouth.
Love and faithfulness lead to familiarity and confidence, and
Saints have abounded in tender caresses. Isaac and Rebecca, the
type of chaste married life, indulged in such caresses, as to
convince Abimelech that they must be husband and wife. The great
S. Louis, strict as he was to himself, was so tender towards his
wife, that some were ready to blame him for it; although in truth
he rather deserved praise for subjecting his lofty, martial mind
to the little details of conjugal love. Such minor matters will
not suffice to knit hearts, but they tend to draw them closer, and
promote mutual happiness.
Before giving birth to S. Augustine, S. Monica offered him
repeatedly to God's Glory, as he himself tells us; and it is a
good lesson for Christian women how to offer the fruit of their
womb to God, Who accepts the free oblations of loving hearts, and
promotes the desires of such faithful mothers: witness Samuel, S.
Thomas Aquinas, S. Andrea di Fiesole, and others. (3) S. Bernard's
mother, worthy of such a son, was wont to take her new-born babes
in her arms to offer them to Jesus Christ, thenceforward loving
them with a reverential love, as a sacred deposit from God; and so
entirely was her offering accepted, that all her seven children
became Saints. (4)
And when children begin to use their reason, fathers and
mothers should take great pains to fill their hearts with the fear
of God. This the good Queen Blanche did most earnestly by S.
Louis, her son: witness her oft-repeated words, "My son, I would
sooner see you die than guilty of a mortal sin;" words which sank
so deeply into the saintly monarch's heart, that he himself said
there was no day on which they did not recur to his mind, and
strengthen him in treading God's ways.
We call races and generations Houses; and the Hebrews were wont to
speak of the birth of children as "the building up of the house;"
as it is written of the Jewish midwives in Egypt, that the Lord
"made them houses;" (5) whereby we learn that a good house is not
reared so much by the accumulation of worldly goods, as by the
bringing up of children in the ways of holiness and of God; and to
this end no labour or trouble must be spared, for children are the
crown of their parents. (6) Thus it was that S. Monica stedfastly
withstood S. Augustine's evil propensities, and, following him
across sea and land, he became more truly the child of her tears
in the conversion of his soul, than the son of her body in his
natural birth.
S. Paul assigns the charge of the household to the woman; and
consequently some hold that the devotion of the family depends
more upon the wife than the husband, who is more frequently
absent, and has less influence in the house. Certainly King
Solomon, in the Book of Proverbs, refers all household prosperity
to the care and industry of that virtuous woman whom he describes.
(7)
We read in Genesis that Isaac "entreated the Lord for his wife,
because she was barren;" (8) or as the Hebrews read it, he prayed
"over against" her,--on opposite sides of the place of
prayer,--and his prayer was granted.
That is the most fruitful union between husband and wife which
is founded in devotion, to which they should mutually stimulate
one another. There are certain fruits, like the quince, of so
bitter a quality, that they are scarcely eatable, save when
preserved; while others again, like cherries and apricots, are so
delicate and soft, that they can only be kept by the same
treatment.
So the wife must seek that her husband be sweetened with the
sugar of devotion, for man without religion is a rude, rough
animal; and the husband will desire to see his wife devout, as
without it her frailty and weakness are liable to tarnish and
injury. S. Paul says that "the unbelieving husband is sanctified
by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the
husband;" (9) because in so close a tie one may easily draw the
other to what is good. And how great is the blessing on those
faithful husbands and wives who confirm one another continually in
the Fear of the Lord!
Moreover, each should have such forbearance towards the other,
that they never grow angry, or fall into discussion and argument.
The bee will not dwell in a spot where there is much loud noise or
shouting, or echo; neither will God's Holy Spirit dwell in a
household where altercation and tumult, arguing and quarrelling,
disturb the peace.
S. Gregory Nazianzen says that in his time married people were
wont to celebrate the anniversary of their wedding, and it is a
custom I should greatly approve, provided it were not a merely
secular celebration; but if husbands and wives would go on that
day to Confession and Communion, and commend their married life
specially to God, renewing their resolution to promote mutual good
by increased love and faithfulness, and thus take breath, so to
say, and gather new vigour from the Lord to go on stedfastly in
their vocation.
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