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Such foolish attachments between man and woman without any
matrimonial intentions as are called amourettes,--mere abortions,
or rather phantoms of friendship,--must not, idle and empty as
they are, profane the name of friendship or love.
Yet such frivolous, contemptible attractions often snare the
hearts of both men and women, and although they may end in
downright sin, there is no such intention on the part of their
victims, who consciously do but yield to foolish trifling and
toying. Some such have no object beyond the actual indulgence of a
passing inclination; others are excited by vanity, which takes
pleasure in captivating hearts; some are stimulated by a
combination of both these motives. But all such friendships are
evil, hollow, and vain; evil, in that they often lead to sinful
deeds, and draw the heart from God, and from the husband or wife
who is its lawful owner; hollow, in that they are baseless and
without root; vain, in that neither gain, honour, nor satisfaction
can come from such. On the contrary, nothing comes of them but a
loss of time and credit, and unreasoning excitement, mistrust,
jealousy, and perturbation.
S. Gregory Nazianzen speaks very wisely on this subject,
admonishing vain women, and his words are equally applicable to
men:-- "Your natural beauty will suffice your husband, but if it
is exhibited to all, like a net spread before birds, what will be
the end? You will be taken by whoever admires you, looks and
glances will be exchanged, smiles and tender words, at first
hesitatingly exchanged, but soon more boldly given and received.
Far be it from me to describe the end, but this much I will say,
nothing said or done by young men and women under such
circumstances but is perilous. One act of levity leads to another,
as the links in a chain."
They who tamper with such things will fall into the trap. They
fancy that they only mean to amuse themselves, but will not go too
far. Little you know, forsooth! The tiny spark will burst into a
flame, and, overpowering your heart, it will reduce your good
resolutions to ashes, and your reputation to smoke.
"Who will pity a charmer that is bitten with a serpent?" asks
the Wise Man; (1) and with him I ask, Do you, in your folly,
imagine that you can lightly handle love as you please? You think
to trifle with it, but it will sting you cruelly, and then every
one will mock you, and laugh at your foolish pretension to harbour
a venomous serpent in your bosom, which has poisoned and lost
alike your honour and your soul.
What fatal blindness this to stake all that is most precious to
man! Yes, I say it advisedly, for God desires to have us only for
the sake of our soul, or the soul through our will, and our will
for love's sake. Surely we have not by any means a sufficient
store of love to offer God, and yet in our madness and folly we
lavish and waste it on vain frivolous objects, as though we had
enough and to spare. Our Dear Lord, Who demands nought save our
love in return for our creation, preservation and redemption, will
require a strict account of the senseless way in which we have
frittered and wasted it. If He will call us to account for idle
words, how will it be with respect to idle, foolish, pernicious
friendships?
Husbandmen know that the walnut tree is very harmful in a
vineyard or field, because it absorbs the fatness of the land and
draws it away from the other crops; its thick foliage overshadows
and deprives them of sunshine; and, moreover, it attracts
passers-by, who tread down and spoil all that is around while
striving to gather its fruit.
So with these foolish love affairs and the soul; they engross
it, so that it is unable to bring forth good works; their
superfluous foliage--flirtations, dallyings and idle talk--consume
profitable time; and, moreover, they lead to so many temptations,
distractions, suspicions, and the like, that the heart becomes
altogether crushed and spoiled. Such follies not only banish
Heavenly Love, they likewise drive out the fear of God, enervate
the mind, and damage reputation. They may be the plaything of
courts, but assuredly they are as a plague spot of the heart. (2)
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