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The supernatural apprehensions of the memory already
described are also a frequent occasion to spiritual
persons of falling into some kind of presumption or
vanity, if they give heed to them and set store by
them.
For, even as he who knows nothing of them is quite
free from falling into this vice, since he sees in
himself no occasion of presumption, even so, in
contrary wise, he that has experience of them has
close at hand an occasion for thinking himself to be
something, since he possesses these supernatural
communications.
For, although it is true that he may attribute
them to God, hold himself to be unworthy of them, and
give God the thanks, yet nevertheless there is wont
to remain in his spirit a certain secret
satisfaction, and a self-esteem and a sense of their
value, from which, without his knowledge, there will
come to him great spiritual pride.
2. This may be observed very clearly by such as
will consider the dislike and aversion caused them by
any who do not praise their spirituality, or esteem
the experiences which they enjoy, and the
mortification which they suffer when they think or
are told that others have just those same
experiences, or even superior ones.
All this arises from secret self-esteem and pride,
and they can never quite realize that they are
steeped in pride up to their very eyes. For they
think that a certain degree of recognition of their
own wretchedness suffices, and, although they have
this, they are full of secret self-esteem and
self-satisfaction, taking more delight in their own
spirituality and spiritual gifts than in those of
others.
They are like the Pharisee who gave thanks to God
that he was not as other men, and that he practised
such and such virtues, whereat he was satisfied with
himself and presumed thereon.[507] Such men, although
they may not use the Pharisee's actual words,
habitually resemble him in spirit.
And some of them even become so proud that they
are worse than the devil. For, observing in
themselves, as they imagine, certain apprehensions
and feelings concerning God which are devout and
sweet, they become self-satisfied to such an extent
that they believe themselves to be very near God; and
those that are not like themselves they consider very
low and despise them after the manner of the
Pharisee.
3. In order to flee from this pestilent evil,
abhorrent in the eyes of God, they must consider two
things. First, that virtue consists not in
apprehensions and feelings concerning God, howsoever
sublime they be, nor in anything of this kind that a
man can feel within himself; but, on the contrary, in
that which has nothing to do with feeling -- namely,
a great humility and contempt of oneself and of all
that pertains to oneself, firmly rooted in the soul
and keenly felt by it; and likewise in being glad
that others feel in this very way concerning oneself
and in not wishing to be of any account in the
esteem[508] of others.
4. Secondly, it must be noted that all visions,
revelations and feelings coming from Heaven, and any
thoughts that may proceed from these, are of less
worth than the least act of humility. And humility is
one of the effects of charity, which esteems not its
own things nor strives to attain them; nor thinks
evil, save of itself; nor thinks any good thing of
itself, but only of others.
It is well, therefore, that these supernatural
apprehensions should not attract men's eyes, but that
they should strive to forget them in order that they
may be free. |